Patterns of Behavior

My mom’s doctor went on vacation the week I was due. I was her third child, and both my sisters had been significantly late, so of course I would be, too. So, with her official due date of April 4, he figured on being back by the tenth or so, and everything would be hunky-dory.

Thus launched my lifelong pattern of not-quite-meeting-expectations.   Before dawn on April 4th, 1966, I was born and my name chosen specifically to counter insistences from both sides of the family. There were no Matthews on either side, and it is, after all, the title of the first book of the New Testament. How could Matthew go wrong?

To put it quite directly, by spending the next 47 years keeping faithfully to the first impression I left on this earth; a never-ending cocktail of “surprise” and “What the hell am I going to do now?” Never failing to both fail and disappoint.

Honestly, it’s quite fun to look back on what many would consider a wasted life from today’s perspective and just calmly shake my head. Truly, the first thought today, as I recall so many questionable and self-destructive choices, is gratitude. yes, I’m wonderfully thankful for all my myriad and diverse failures, for without them, I would never have arrived at where and most importantly who I am now. For now, today, the only moment we ever truly get, I am gloriously celebrating every moment of my existence and taking joy in each moment. I have embraced the tremendously freeing concept that “everything happens for my best benefit”. If that sounds silly or selfish, please understand what it actually means; it is simply an understanding that our individual perspective colors every experience we have. I decline to ever look at myself as a victim or to expect anything other than the greatest possible benefit from each moment in my life. You’d be shocked at how even seemingly negative life events can have a positive impact when viewed through the lens of highest expectation. There are no more “down days”. Worry seldom (I’m working on “never”) darkens my mind. The freedom is breathtaking and staggering at the same time. My natural creativity is amplified and my higher energy raises the energy of those around me as well. I’m writing more clearly and quickly than ever, and my artwork (when I make time for it) now flows with a simplicity and clarity I’ve never experienced before.

I applied for a “promotion” at work. I prepared a succinct resume (I’ve been here for 10+ years, so they know me fairly well already), gave it to the man who makes these decisions, and released it from my concern. If I get it, then that’s for my best benefit. If not, then that is what will benefit me most profoundly.  Period.  No more concern for it at all.   And it really has become that easy, too. I couldn’t be happier with me right now, and that happiness, that completeness is a feeling so profound, so immense, that it is almost indescribable.

Yeah, it’s actually fun looking back at who Matthew was. He was kind of a mess for a long, long time, frankly, and I suspect that some of you in here knew that first hand. I thank you for your patience and forbearance, and I welcome you here with deepest gratitude and arms open wide. These next months are going to be huge here in SimplyUplift-land as I finish my first draft manuscript and secure an agent and, eventually, a publisher. I’m not going to forsake this site, though. This is what I write during down time at work, and Lord knows there’s no shortage of that in winter time.

So, if you haven’t already, please Like, Follow, and join in the fun.   ‘S’gonna be a fun ride.



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