Constructive Panic?

I had a bit of a breakdown today. Panic set in, as we discussed, then argued, then panicked about our job and income situations. I lost my composure, I gave up, just for a few moments, on everything I’m working so hard to create, and I cussed and swore and railed and wept while she did the same.

Afterward, with me at work and her back online digging for opportunities, I’ve concluded that sometimes these events are necessary.   We both feel more focused and determined in its wake. Even my morning meditation, driven by my review of the 73rd verse of the Tao, about surrender and not pushing for your desires but allowing them instead, was brought into sharp focus in the moments following.

When I arrived at work and powered up my computer, two quotes leapt up from my feed at, and they’re real doozies:


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

–Marianne Williamson


“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.
For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.
For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.
For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once a day.
For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.
People, more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms.
As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself and the other for helping others.”

~ Sam Levenson


The Levenson quote was a favorite of Audrey Hepburn’s, and the Marianne Williamson moves me in ways that are difficult to quantify: the fear that we’re not only adequate put infinitely powerful and capable, while it may seem oxymoronic and counterintuitive, is honestly terrifyingly on point. For what is more frightening than the idea that we truly are all of that and we’ve done nothing with it? That we’ve wasted it? 

It may be the most sobering thought I’ve ever encountered.

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