My friends, over the last two years, I have learned what it means to truly live for someone. Over the last seven months, I have learned this more intensely and more deeply than I ever could have imagined.
Not one single decision of consideration is made in my life that doesn’t involve her. From simple things about when I go to bed and awaken, to meal times and content, to when I make time to meditate.
I don’t go to movies anymore. The last one was Wonder Woman in June, and I felt irrationally guilty for it. I’ve skipped at least three which I really planned to go see since then, and there are several more coming this fall and winter which I have no idea whether I’ll go see or not.
This isn’t whining. I do and will always put her first, and I will live and die for her. This is perspective.
A few months ago, I changed jobs from one I’d worked for nearly twelve years. Leaving the previous employer was an easy decision. The time I’d missed due to her hospitalizations (3 in 4 weeks) and the subsequent recovery difficulties had driven a deep rift between me and management, and it was made clear that I was to bear the entire burden of healing that rift (i.e. back to 12-hr shifts and my lee-way for caring for her during work hours significantly curbed). So, I tried something new. And failed. I underperformed badly, and rather than be the company that fired a guy because his wife is sick, they transferred me to a location which would make it impossible to care daily for her the way she needs, so I resigned.
So, when I say that everything I do revolves around her, I want to be clear what that entails.
Why? Here goes.
Acute, early-onset Alzheimer’s dementia.
Mull those words over for a moment. Let them sit in your brain.
I know that most of us, myself included until fairly recently, think one thought when we hear the word “Alzheimer’s”; we think old age. Old folks rotting away either all alone in some assisted-living facility or at home with their long-suffering families who are robbed of all independence or “me time” as they dedicate their every waking hour to caring for their loved ones, knowing all the while that caring is all they can do. So, they feed, bathe, and brush their loved one’s hair while agonizingly waiting for them to die.
Let me throw a few more frightening words your way:
Genius. 160+ IQ. Master’s degree at 21. Vice President of Engineering at 25.
That’s my wife. Before we met in 1999, she had accomplished more in her professional life than anyone else I had ever known.
Imagine how she felt when her doctor spoke that first sentence to her.
Mainstream traditional medicine will tell you that Alzheimer’s is incurable and untreatable. There’s even a quote on the Alzheimer’s Association’s website which says “Everyone knows a cancer survivor, no one knows an Alzheimer’s survivor”.
We’ve all heard the talk about the pharmaceutical industry suppressing cures because there’s more profit in treatment. That’s not the case here. There aren’t even any treatments. In 70 years of research, only 2 drugs have even passed trials and been approved for prescription, and they’ve proven worse than useless, with side effects which more than offset any hypothetical benefit. I speak from direct experience here. In the weeks that follow, I’ll share some of the research and conclusions which prove this out. The first thing a doctor does for a dementia patient is send them to a neurologist. Why? Well, for tests, of course. What tests, and what are these test supposed to accomplish if there’s no treatment? Well, there’ll be more MRIs, of course, and spinal taps every 6 months, to test cerebro-spinal fluid. Interviews, assessments, and med student observations. All filmed, of course.
Wait, WHY? No treatment, but endless tests and fucking spinal taps?
Yes. We can learn from her while we do what we can to make her comfortable and try to slow her decline…
So, traditional, AMA-sponsored medical avenues are out. What next? And, since insurance won’t pay for “alternative treatments”, how the fuck are we going to pay for it?
Damn. Good. Questions.