Joy On The Holidays

The Christmas holiday is behind us now, and overall it was a terrific time.

As evidenced by every word written in this blog the entire time, this has been quite the momentous year for us. From the depths of terror and fear of what the future will bring to a renewed capacity for joy in the understanding that a “mortal” diagnosis is, in truth, no such thing.

There has been pain. There has been and will continue for the remainder of our lives be sacrifice and dedication to a strict and straight path for total health. Tears have flowed in anger, in fear, in love, in relief, and in joy. Great things have been forgotten and recovered.

Rings and vows have been exchanged as two people who believe they were intended for one another from the dawn of time were joined in matrimony.

The photo above is of the single gift exchanged between us this holiday.   My words to her from the cars I wrote to accompany it follow:

“Today belongs to “Us”, and tomorrow is ours as well. It is that promise that this gift represents:

            These two rings symbolize our wedding bands; forever joined over your heart and never straying from one another.

 I hope you wear it with pride and feel my love filling you as long as it rests upon your breast.”

 The week preceding Christmas, I saw a doctor myself for some (hopefully) minor health concerns. The fears unearthed by my (now scheduled) cancer screening bubbled up into an overly-emotional response to something on Christmas Eve, which led to tears and her thinking she had done something to make me angry at her. It wasn’t until I opened up to her about those fears (there are cancers in my family history) that I even realized for myself how afraid I was, and that I had let it boil over and affect her.   She forgives readily and quickly, though. Further proof of how blessed I am with her as my wife.

And she continues to improve! Things I can point to this week are subtle, but significant in my eyes, as they seem to indicate more “lights coming on” in the great house of her brain. A greater awareness of her body and its functions is making itself apparent; she’s more aware of when her clothes need laundering, for example. She’s reminding me of when it’s time for her meds only moments before the alarms I’ve set on my phone chime the need. She even remembers her hormone patch first, which is only replaced every four days.

Surprising me greatly, she has for the very first time since this all began, asked me if she can get her shower. Normally, she’ll cringe from my statement that it’s time for the shower, as she greatly dreads that momentary chill between turning off the warm water and getting dry. But not anymore. Yes, she still gets chilled, but getting and feeling clean has taken back its priority. That is significant, at least in my eyes.

So, this Christmas was a joyous one, even with a few tears thrown in.   Jacquelynn still makes certain, every single day, to stop and thank me for all she says I have done and continue to do for her. Of course, I’m truly just trying to be what she needs me to be, and to enable her to do the work of healing. But that’s not how she sees it. Again, the fact that she’s now able to remember, each and every day, that she has set herself this task, cannot be insignificant.

We hope that everyone who reads this is having a spectacular Holiday season, regardless of how or if you celebrate it at all. We send you joy, love, and deepest gratitude for reading and sharing this important message.

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