The Lights Are On and Someone’s DEFINITELY Home!

Earlier this week, I had what I will call (for want of a more flattering description) a meltdown.   It had been an excessively challenging couple of days, with Jacquelynn having almost zero energy and growing increasingly moody as her nighttime sleeplessness translated into daytime petulance. This was all made so much worse by the growing clarity that her mother, for all the money she’s sitting on, is completely unwilling to be of the slightest assistance in her only daughter’s recovery.

On this particular afternoon, it seemed that everything I said and did triggered Jacquelynn in some way, and she would be reduced to tears and frustration, feeling as though I was judging her or snapping at her. Once, she even thought I had cursed at her when it was actually myself I had been swearing at. One final, very minor (in hindsight) confrontation led her once more to tears and I kind of lost it. I fled the room and deposited myself on the exercise bike, all but tearing my hair out in my frustration, and 100% sick and tired of being me. Full to overflowing with self-loathing and seeing only blackness in my vision, it was Jacquelynn who once more came to my rescue with a simple, crystal clear and beautifully prescient observation: “You need to get back to the things that bring you peace,” she said. “Listen to Dr. Dyer again.   Re-read that first book.”

It is an indescribably wonderful feeling indeed when I notice and am able to relate to Jacquelynn new and notable improvements n her cognition, but it is an even more magical and brilliant sensation when she notes them herself. This was the first such moment of several this week.

She was, of course, absolutely right. I knew it the moment she said it, too. Since Jacquelynn first gifted me with Dr. Dyer’s “Wishes Fulfilled” collection (book, 7 audio CDs, and 3 DVDs) in 2013, the (now late) Doctor has been a true guru and mentor to me, and his words and voice bring me peace and restore me to myself.   It has had precisely that effect, too.   I’m progressing through the book for (at least) the fifth time, and the countless YouTube videos, which she and I are watching together, are a truly transcendent experience for me.

Even more than that, though, was the absolute clarity and precision with which the thought was formulated and translated into speech for her. She not only recalled and cherished his impact on me but also remembered and spoke his name without struggle or hesitation. If you only understood how special and unexpected such a moment was, you’d be tearing up just as I am now recalling it. Then to see the light come on behind her eyes as she tilted her head toward me, a smile growing on her lips as she realized what she had just accomplished…

“I did that all on my own.”

This time, our tears were joyous and free-flowing.

Another similar though far less traumatic instance of clarity and recall occurred this morning…

There rests atop our refrigerator a gorgeous birch-bark basket (the photo above this article). A product of her impeccable decorating taste, she’s had it far longer than she has had me, and it’s been sitting right there for years.   Today she looked up at it and said, “I’ve always loved that piece. I wonder what’s inside it?” So, of course, I reached up and brought it down to eye level for her. There wasn’t much in it, as it turns out, save a few hair clips, an emery board or three, and an old greeting card. I picked the card up and read the front to her.   Halfway through my reading, though, she giggled and said softly “I LOVE this one”, already recalling and anticipating the punch line inside. She was actively laughing by the time I got to the inner page and read it for myself.   Yes, it was very funny. Far more significant, of course, was her clear memory of the card and its contents. She realized this just as I was about to mention it, and again her face lit up: “I did it again!”

As recently as a few weeks ago, let alone several months back, this level of casual recall would have been impossible.

Yes, my friends, the lights are coming on, one by one, the thousands upon thousands of rooms in the vast mansion of Jacquelynn’s mind are lighting up and doors are creaking open.







Hero, a poem

I felt inspired to compose a bit of poetry this evening.  I posted it on Facebook, and I wanted to share it here as well.  Thank you for reading.



Faced with necessity, I walked toward destiny.

Embracing need, I fled convention.

Into uncertainty, into fear,

I tread unknown paths on determined heels.

The courage is not mine, the strength I hope only to augment

Is Hers.


Her breath is my drive, her light my sunrise.

The power of her determination moves me,

Moves Worlds.

Moves History.

Changes all it touches.



Facing today, we see only tomorrow.

Embracing Now, we pursue purity.

Into certain success, past fear,

We walk our path with faith and trust.

Her heart, my hands, our strength propels us




International Women’s Day, and My Hero

Today is “International Women’s Day”, and like many other people will undoubtedly do in their own forums, I am going to spend a few paragraphs honoring my women hero.

Much as I love and respect (and miss!) my beloved mother, and believe me, she’s as worthy as any woman on the planet of honoring on this day, I am going to shine the light of reflection and gratitude on my brilliant, brave, and beautiful wife.

As many regular readers here know, my Jacquelynn is an accomplished scholar and scientist.   With an advanced degree in mechanical engineering, she launched her career by turning a then-groundbreaking hand-made diabetic blood tester into a hugely successful mass-produced game-changer for patients and the parent company both. Parlaying that triumph into many, many more in the field of medical science and other disciplines as well, she was known and respected throughout the industry and was the go-to engineering manager for medical start-ups, often turning down new and challenging offers while focused on her current projects.

Today, she sometimes despairs that she’ll never work in her beloved field again. She can be forgiven the occasional bout of fear and even shame, but I must never fail to remind her just what she’s accomplished thus far in her latest task.

She’s recovering from Alzheimer’s disease. This is not possible, according to currently accepted medical knowledge (though that is beginning to shift), but she’s doing it.

It’s not easy, and she still has far to go, but she is inarguably getting better. Even she notices it now, where before I had to point out to her the grains and evidence of progress, now Jacquelynn will stop in mid-sentence and remark “You know, I don’t think I would have gotten/realized/remembered that before.”

Jacquelynn is my beloved wife, the undisputed love of my life and a partner whom I honestly feel I have known and loved through many a lifetime. She is also, without doubt or hesitation, the bravest, strongest, most dedicated and focused individual I have ever known. Woman, man, child or adult, I have never encountered a truer hero and inspiration.

I go through every day just hoping that I can be enough, that I can serve and support her journey sufficiently. I strive to be what she needs me to be, and I can only pray that I can be even a fraction of the Matthew she deserves.

And I ask you again, if you are capable of doing so, to please help in any way you can.  With our finances running low, I’ve launched a campaign to help.  Please read and share the link, and you have our deepest gratitude for any assistance you are able to offer.