My wife is dying.
She knows it. Even said it this evening. It’s a subject we’ve actively avoided for a very long time now, but things have been turning in this direction for some time now, and no amount of denial or refusal to accept will stem it.
We obviously don’t have a timetable of any kind, and we are 100% going to proceed along the course that got us here. Our experiences over this last twenty months provide sufficient proof for us that the ReCoDe protocol has added time and quality to her life, and we will stay on that path, extending both as far as we may, so long as they remain equal. If quality fades, well, let’s just hope they dovetail nicely.
Saying it openly is the second hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Admitting it to myself, obviously, is number one.
But having it out there is almost a relief. It’s still something we’re not going to speak frequently of, nor focus on, but hiding from it is unbelievably exhausting.
Denial is a river you swim up against a considerable current.
I’m not pulling this blog. I will still post to it occasionally, but as has clearly already become the case, it will be infrequent. I’ve had to take two jobs, one in-home and one out of the home, trying to keep us afloat long enough to face and hopefully enjoy what time we have remaining together, and that creates a schedule which makes keeping up with this commitment somewhat problematic.
I’m grateful for all of you, my friends and fellow travelers, for investing your time in reading my ramblings and shedding tears with us. I hope these words have educated, inspired, or perhaps moved someone. I believe we’re all born for a purpose, and this has been a very important part of mine; my dharma is service, and when I leave this life, I will certainly be able to say that I have fulfilled that mission.